We got a kitten!!! Hahahahahaha!!!
Lynn and I were not pet people. Let me emphasize... NOT pet people. Lynn, in fact, would actually consider considering divorce if I ever mentioned the idea of bringing home a pet. He was firmly opposed to any and all kinds of pet ownership and no amount of blue eyed eyelid batting was going to change it...
Days after he died, after having to tell my daughters that their Daddy was gone, I looked at Roya and broke over the deep sadness she was feeling. She has always had a special love and connection with animals, and I felt a desperate need to provide a pet for her to snuggle and talk to throughout her grieving process. I remember looking upwards and saying under my breath, I'm getting her a dog and there's nothing you can say about it!
After some consideration, (and probably some intervention), I decided we were not ready for a puppy :) Slowly but surely, I came around to the idea of introducing a snuggly kitten to our new little family. As month 3 began and progressed, I became increasingly confident that this would add some much needed love, joy, fun, and distraction to our mundane, grief-laden existence (without the demands and commitments required when adopting a puppy). So, we went to the SPCA, chose our kitten, bought the necessary "stuff", and here we are :)
So far, it is everything I had hoped for with the girls. But I feel... sad. I am confident it was a good decision and committed to the task, but still feel sad. It is just one more step toward a new life... And one more step away from Lynn.
When we purchased her, I felt shame, like a child, knowing she was doing something wrong, and knowing she'd be in trouble when she got home. But I'm home and I'm not in trouble. Because Lynn's not here.
We are smiling and happy and my girls are rejoicing!! But I am sad that this is one more way I have lost him. One more part of him that is no longer here, influencing our family...
I miss him. So, I suppose a soft little snuggle from a kitten every now and then won't be so bad... And she is kinda cute :)
But NO, I will not be turning into a crazy cat lady, for those of you who have already asked or thought about it. :)
Thinking of you and the girls, Natasha! Thank you for this post.
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I think that you getting something that would add joy and love to your home would make him smile :D
ReplyDeleteI would never think you would be a crazy cat lady, I have three and they are the best pets I could ask for cause they are great to hug when I feel sad, just a little purr and when they rub their head to mine, my day is better, they are a blessing in disguise.
ReplyDeleteYay, Natasha! Orange kitties are the best ;) Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and your family- thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. Reading about the relationship and love you and Lynn shared challenges me to strive for a similar love, respect, and closeness in my relationship. Even though I know it must be difficult to share with us, I hope you are not taken aback when I say I look forward to your posts... I love hearing more about Lynn, and we can all learn something from your experiences. :)
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